If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
