So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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