Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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