he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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