When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
