tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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