There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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