3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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