Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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