Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
True strength comes from lack of pants
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
