Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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