I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
