I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
