fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
