wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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