he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
