remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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