hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
