My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
