Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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