Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
