I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
