So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
