Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
