ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
