90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
