I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
