happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have post one night stand depression
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
