gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize