He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
