i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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