Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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