My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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