i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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