Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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