I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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