Whod you bang
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
