WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
