Your tits are I can't wait for
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
