We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
