easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
