I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
