why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone came in the potted fern
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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