the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
