And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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