is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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