one word: firstdatebathroomanal
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
