You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
