She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
