The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
