Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
