The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
