she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
