i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
did you just send me my own nude
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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