True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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