Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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