My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize