it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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