Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
