At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk is not a location!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
