Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
