I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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