plz talk dirty to me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
