i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
