I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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