I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
