Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize