i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you would pick up someone in the library
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
