He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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