I wish I could punch you in the face.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
