filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
